It's A Journal, Not A Diary
by RemusLupinTrash
Summary: Because one day I am sure I will be famous, I, Anna, have decided to start a journal, not a diary, so that after my tragic death, my fans can read about my pathetic life before stardom. And let me tell you, it's very pathetic. (Rated T for swearing and sexual references) DISCONTINUED because I have no idea what I'm doing and kinda hate it. Sorry. Message me if you want it.
1. Chapter 1

**Wednesday October 25****th**** 1977 21:15**

Prefect duties are actually the worse things in the world. Anyone who tells you any different is a liar. They are boring and generally kind of sad. When I first started out as a prefect I thought I'd be busting couples in broom closets, or catch Black and Potter setting up a prank, or have romantic escapades with my prefect partner. But no. It turns out no one actually snogs in broom closets, and prefect duties is spent wandering the halls alone in the precious hours between the end of dinner and bed that could be spent living my life. I don't even have a handsome prefect partner because I don't have a partner at all. I may have to take that up with Lily. It's a good thing I have mastered the art of writing whilst walking so that after I eventually become famous and then die tragically, my fans can read this journal and know exactly the kind of pathetic teenage years I had. You're welcome, fans.

Wait a second, I think I hear something. Ew, it's just Filch's manky cat. You know, I don't think I really need to be out here anymore. No need to torture myself further.

**Wednesday October 25****th**** 21:25**

Thank god that's over with. I should probably do that DADA homework now. Ugh. I guess the subject wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have a new teacher every year. Damn that supposed curse. Oh fun, an essay on lethifolds. Can I write 'basically just evil blankets' and have done with it? Where the hell is Benjy, he's good at this crap. Oh, never mind, I found him. I couldn't see him over there with his head down Janice's throat. Those poor first years having to witness this. Right, I'm going to have to actually write this essay.

**Thursday October 26****th**** 08:24**

God, I love bacon. It's like greasy happiness. Benjy, I swear to god, don't even judge me.

_I'm sorry but 'greasy happiness'? Are you serious?_

Oh my god, Ben, you can't just write in my journal.

_Well, why don't you talk to me like a normal person?_

**Thursday October 26****th**** 09:13**

Transfiguration is boring as hell. When in my life will I need to turn a rabbit into a cushion? Am I stranded on a bunny-infested island and need somewhere to rest my head? In what situation do I need this spell? Hold up, Benjy is reading over my shoulder. Stop laughing at me Ben. Get your own journal.

Oh, here we go. James Potter is causing shit. No one is surprised. Shut up James, you're not even funny. Benjy is laughing at me again. Oooh, McGonagall rounding on Benjy with a 'is something amusing you, Mr Fenwick?' This may end in detention. Serves him right.

**Thursday October 26****th**** 12:01**

So McGonagall noticed me writing and confiscated my journal until the end of the lesson. Bitch. Probably shouldn't write that in case she confiscates it again. I hope she didn't read it. I have very personal information in here. Oh my god, they have brownies. I love the house elves here so much. I wonder if anyone will notice if I sneak a few in my bag for later.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no. Why did he have to look up at that moment? Why does life hate me? I don't know if I mentioned this yet, my adoring fans of the future, but I like this guy a little bit and by a little bit I mean I fancy the pants off him and he kinda just noticed me shoving like 7 brownies in my bag and I can't tell if the look he gave me was judging or 'I feel ya girl'. I hope it was the latter. Fuck that Remus Lupin. (Literally, hopefully, one day). Benjy, I swear to god, stop reading my journal.

**Thursday October 26****th**** 20:30**

Wow, what a busy afternoon. And by busy I mean I did nothing. Couldn't even be bothered to write in here. Why are any of you my fans?

I cornered Lily earlier and asked about the prefect partners thing. She said she thinks it's a good idea and will mention it at the next meeting. What a nice person she is. God, I hope my partner is hot. Although, to be honest, it would probably be a terrible idea because I wouldn't actually be able to talk to them. I'm a social disaster. Whoever said Hufflepuffs were friendly were wrong. And I know what you're all thinking 'oh god her prefect partner is going to end up being the guy she fancies'. I wouldn't be surprised. The world hates me.

**Friday October 27****th**** 02:17**

Oh god why. I'm still awake. I don't know why. This sucks. I'm so tired. Go to sleep, you stupid bitch. Ugh. Someone is making weird noises in their sleep. Oh god, I think their having one of those dreams. You know what I mean. (I'm assuming this journal is only being read by people over the age of like 15). Oh god please kill me. How has no else been woken up by these noises? Fuck this, I'm leaving.

**Friday October 27****th**** 02:31**

So I decided to go to the kitchens. Warm milk and all that. I hear that helps with sleep. I wonder if there are any brownies left.

House elves currently bringing me some brownies. Love these little guys. Oh god someone is coming in.

**Friday October 27****th**** 08: 15**

Wow, I left off rather dramatically there didn't I. Yeah, but I bet you can't guess who it was. (I'm kidding, I bet all of you can guess who it was). Of course, it was Remus Lupin (and co. but who cares about them, am I right?) It was a very magical evening and we made sweet love on the astronomy tower. Haha. No, I kind of awkwardly said hi and then awkwardly said bye and ran away as fast as is socially acceptable. Why they were in the kitchens in the middle of the night, I have no idea.

**Friday October 27****th**** 13:07**

_Hi there, Anna's diary. This is Benjy. Anna, you left your diary at breakfast so now I have it and am going to write in it for a bit, just to piss you off. Love you._

_I can't think of anything to write. How are you writing in this all the time? What possibly happens in your life to write about? I'll just read a couple of your entries._

_Wow, you still fancy Remus Lupin? Bro, you need to get over that, it's been like 3 years. Is he even that good looking? Now, if I was gonna pick a dude, I'd totally go for Sirius Black. He's fine. Is this weird? This is weird. I'm gonna stop._

**Friday October 27****th**** 18:32**

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I'm gonna have to keep a closer eye on you, journal. Should probably get back to homework.

Homework is stupid. The library is also stupid. Why does any spend extended periods of time here?

**Friday October 27****th**** 21:46**

The library is the best place in the world, I love the library. So, recap. Remus Lupin, that guy, you remember him? Turns out he spends a lot of time in the library, who knew right? (I knew). So he sat at the table in front of mine. And let me tell you, it should be illegal to look that good whilst studying, of all things. It was obscene, the faces of confusion he made, the groans of frustration you could hear from him. No one should ever expect to be turned on whilst in the library but I sure was. And get this, he comes over to my table at some point and he _knew my name_. No joke. He was like 'Hey Anna, are you using that book?' I nearly orgasmed. Seriously, his hair was all messed up from running his hands through it and he'd pulled his tie loose with his top button undone. There are no words to properly describe how god damn gorgeous he looked. And he had the audacity to talk to me whilst looking like that? Rude. So yeah, I just about managed to shake my head at him and then he _smiled at me_. Someone please arrest him, he must be illegal.

**Saturday October 28****th**** 11:29**

I love Saturdays. There are no responsibilities on Saturdays. (Well, I do have homework but that can wait for Sunday). And apparently today is the warmest day on record for this time of year. So naturally everyone is celebrating the possible last warm day of the year by relaxing outside. I'm not the most fond of sitting in the grass for seemingly no reason (there are bugs. ew.) but Benjy was like 'Anna don't be such a bitch' in a very loving way and so I decided to join him. Until he fucked off to shove his hand down Doris Jordan's pants. What a traitor. So now I'm sat, leaning against a big tree, writing in my journal, looking like a pretentious cliché and giving no fucks about it.

Maybe the outside isn't so bad after all. Apparently it has been deemed warm enough to go swimming. Who knew the boys of Hogwarts were actually kinda nice looking with their clothes off.

Oh no.

Yes, I'm sure you have guessed. There he is, in all his wet shirtless glory. Don't judge me, I'm a teenager with hormones. I liked to see you deal with this.

Where the hell did someone get a quaffle from? And why did they throw it at my head. Oh, of course. It was James Potter. Disappointed but not surprised.

Oh shit he's coming over to get the quaffle back. No, not James. Remus, obviously. Shit shit shit. What do you say to the guy you like when he's wet and partially naked?

He's getting closer.

Kill me now.

Well, that was awkward. I was awkward, not him. He was super nice, of course. Dick. He was all like 'hey Anna, are you ok? Sorry we hit you, did it hurt you?' to which I replied with unidentifiable mumblings and the he was all like 'oh good (apparently he speaks moron), well see you around' and he takes the quaffle and leaves. What does that mean? Am I really going to be one of those girls who ponders the meaning of 'see you around' like some kind of desperate fish? I mean no offence to girls who do do that and you are by no means a desperate fish. I am a desperate fish. You are a beautiful goddess.

Do you think he wants to see me around?

No, he probably just means like, he will see me. We share classes. It would be impossible for him to not see me.

**Saturday October 28****th**** 22:49**

We had a prefect meeting today. Three guesses who my prefect partner is. Remus Lupin you say? WRONG. Have another go. You don't know any more prefects? I guess that is reasonable. I actually got partnered with James. Which is weird, because I didn't think Heads did prefect duties but whatever. I'm just glad it wasn't that Ravenclaw guy whose name I don't remember. He seems so boring I don't think I could deal with that for so long.

**Sunday October 29****th**** 21:12**

Tonight is my first prefect duty with my new partner. You'd think we'd be having so much fun fighting crime that I wouldn't need to write in here. You are wrong. Potter is just talking to his mirror. I always knew he was a bit conceited but really? Bro, you got issues. Holy shit, his mirror is talking back. Wait, it sounds like Black. That's so cool they've got like magic mirrors! I say, in a school for magic people, as a person who can do magic. Wow. Oh, he's looking at me weird. What, you're allowed to talk to a mirror but I can't write in my journal whilst walking around? Rude.

You know how I said I wanted to catch couples in broom closets? I was wrong, I never want to do that again. I feel like my eyes need cleansing.

**Sunday October 29****th**** 11:29**

Potter stole my journal. And read it. All of it. And now he knows that I fancy his friend. Have I mentioned that life hates me? I'll give you a brief outline of the conversation that followed the revelation.

"So you fancy Remus?" This is James, obviously.

"Pssh, no. What gave you that idea?" This is me.

"It says right here."

"That's from like, years ago."

"It's dated as the other day." It would be good to note that he is most definitely laughing at me as this goes on.

"Ok. Yeah. So what?"

"That's adorable, have you ever even spoke to him?"

"Of course I have. You've read my journal. Just the other day he asked to borrow my library book." Here he just started laughing at me more. It was very mean of him.

"Why don't you just ask him out?"

"I'm sorry, but not all of us can ask someone out 7 times a day for 5 years." I was quite proud of myself for this because he scowled at me. Ha!

"I'll ignore that. But seriously, Remus is a nice guy. He'd probably consider it if you asked him out."

"First of all, no he wouldn't because I am a literal human disaster. Secondly, as you oh so nicely pointed out before, I've never even spoke to him before and that's because I physically can't. Words don't exit my mouth when I'm around him. It's very inconvenient."

"Why are girls so self-conscious?" He said this more to himself that to me.

"Because men like to constantly tell us what we should and shouldn't be?"

"True. We really need to stop doing that."

The conversation kind of ended here. It wasn't a very useful conversation, come to think of it. And he's probably telling Remus all about my awkward and embarrassing infatuation with him and they are all probably laughing about it. I hate men.

**Monday October 30****th**** 08:12**

So I told Benjy about my little problem and you know what he did? He laughed at me! I need a new friend.

_Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure Potter isn't so much of a dick that he told Lupin that you love him_.

I don't love him, and what have I told you about writing in my journal? My fans don't want to hear about you.

So Benjy doesn't think I'm going to be famous and that you guys aren't my fans reading this after my tragic death and I'm actually just talking to myself. But fuck him and his negativity. I'm not going to share any of my wealth with him now.

**Monday October 30****th**** 12:07**

James Potter is staring at me from the Gryffindor table. I can't tell what kind of stare it is. He looks kind of constipated. I gave him what I hope was a confused look and now he's just rolling his eyes at me and continuing the constipated stare. Oh great, now he's coming over. His friends have noticed he's coming over to me. Oh god, Remus is looking at me what do I do. Fairly certain that my hair looks a mess today. James has arrived.

**Monday October 30****th**** 12: 29**

That was a weird experience. James gave me some romantic advice. Not sure if I should take romantic advice from a guy who's been pining over the same person for nearly 6 years and has achieved nothing. But here's the general gist of the advice.

"So I've come up with a plan for your situation with Remus." He said this with a kind of grin that would worry you.

"What kind of plan?" Normally I wouldn't even consider listening to one of James Potter's plans, but normally James Potter doesn't tell me his plans and they don't usually involve me, so I was curious.

"So, this Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend. I am going to take you out on a date." At this point I gave him a weird look.

"I'm flattered, but I'm not interested?"

"Shh, I'm not finished. So I'm gonna take you out and we'll go to the Three Broomsticks and Remus will probably be there so we will join him and then I will leave to go to the loo and never come back. Remus is too polite to leave you on your own." After he had finished, he sort of did this weird 'isn't it brilliant' kind of grin which was kind of creepy.

"That's all well and good, but what about the fact that I can't talk to him?"

"Well, at the beginning I'll be there so I'll ease you into it." I thought that was weirdly nice of him.

"What's in it for you?" I was very suspicious, obviously.

"Nothing, I just want to see my mate happy. I think you two would be a good fit."

"You don't even know me."

"Well, if you're not a good fit then I will take full responsibility. Now will you do the plan?"

Of course, I agreed to the plan. I will probably regret it later.

**Monday 30****th**** October 19:42**

I'm never going to get any work done if I keep going to the library. He sat at the table in front of me again. It's like he's doing it on purpose. Do you want me to fail my NEWTs, Remus? He just took his jumper off and it did _the thing_! You know, the thing where the shirt comes up with it a bit and you see a bit of tummy? It did that. And what a nice bit of tummy it was. How can one person be that attractive? It's unfair on the rest of us. I should probably stop staring before he looks up and notices me literally drooling. I'm kind of ashamed. Saturday can't come soon enough.

**Tuesday 31****st**** October 20:30**

I love cookie dough. Like, it is ridiculous how good uncooked biscuits taste. And it's such good comfort food, why? That magical monthly visit arrived today so, naturally, I'm shoving as much food into my body as possible. It's my favourite part of being a Hufflepuff, having the common room so close to the kitchens. It means I can just come here and eat in my pyjamas. A tip for my fans with uteruses, chocolate is magic. Though I'm sure most of you know that. And the best stuff is Honeydukes' chocolate honeycomb, which for some reason the house elves have. Seriously, chocolate honeycomb is, as the kids these days say, the bomb. Oh god, he's here again. Don't I ever get peace from this boy? I feel like the protagonist of a romcom with not nearly enough rom. He's smiling at me, what a dick. Oh crap, I'm wearing my pyjamas with duckies all over them. What did I do to deserve this? I'm going to have to stop writing before he thinks I'm really weird.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wednesday 1****st**** November 10:13**

Whilst I'm waiting for my potion to turn blue, I shall tell you all exactly what happened last night after I left you.

"Oh, hi Anna" this is Remus.

*awkward mumbling by me*

*Remus sits down a few seats away*

*I get up and leave with more awkward mumbling*

"Night" this is Remus again.

I know, I'm embarrassed too. I can't believe I'm allowed to exist in this world. I'm despicable. I don't know what James plans to do to get me to talk to him, but he's going to have to work some serious miracles.

**Wednesday 1****st**** November 18:23**

I'm in the library again. I don't know why I keep torturing myself. I'm pathetic. It's not even like he does regular strip teases or anything, he's literally just sitting there doing homework and he's got me all hot and bothered. Bastard. It's also really annoying because his friends are with him today and James keeps noticing me looking over there and giving me this knowing smirk. He's also a bastard. I wonder if he's told them about our 'date' yet. Probably not, that would be really embarrassing for him I'd imagine. Oh no, James is looking at me whilst whispering something to Remus. I wish I could lip read. Remus just looked at me. He's whispering something to James. Oh god what are they saying. You know what, I'm just going to ignore them. Just stare at the page, Anna. Don't look at them.

Well, that was rude. James just threw some scrunched up parchment at me. Oh, it says something.

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me? – James". Not entirely sure what the purpose of this is, he already knows I agreed. Oh great, the four of them are staring at me expectantly. I'll just nod at them. There we go, that seemed to be what they wanted. Boys are weird.

**Friday 3****rd**** November 16:20**

Whoa, sorry about that. I left you in the library. Which is terrifying to think about. God, I wonder how many people read this? I should really put some protective spells on this thing. But in other news, it's Friday (as stated above) which means tomorrow is Saturday. The day I die. Probably, anyway. Maybe I'll just stress eat, they have lasagne for dinner and I do love lasagne.

I just shoved like a pound of lasagne in my mouth and it was hot and I am dead now. Benjy is laughing at me. What a wanker.

I swear to god, the next time James Potter throws something at me head, I'm going to throw a brick at his. It's another note.

"Please don't eat like that on our date tomorrow, that's embarrassing" (oh god he saw that. awkward) "also, don't wear a coat. and do something nice with your hair – James".

How fucking rude, I'll do whatever I want with my hair. And why would I not wear a coat, it's like 5 degrees outside. No wonder this guy doesn't have a girlfriend.

**Saturday 4****th**** November 00:16**

I can't sleep. I'm too nervous about this date. Oh god. I'm not going to be able to speak to him. I'm going to look like a social disaster. I can't do it. Can I call in sick? I could eat some peanuts. That may be a bit extreme. Why? Why? Why did I agree to this? What is this going to achieve? He's just going to find out exactly why he should not go out with me. Please kill me.

**Saturday 4****th**** November 8:04**

I'm up early. I'm staring at all the beauty products I own (and some stolen from various roommates). I have no idea what to do with them. Like, yes, I do know how to do my own make-up. But to what extent am I making-up? I don't want to go to much, because it's just a Hogsmeade date. But I also want to look nice. And what do I do with my hair? James said to do something, but what? It doesn't really do much, it's just straight. Oh god, what do I wear?! It's pretty cold, so I would just look kinda stupid in a skirt or dress. But I don't have any nice looking jeans, they're all kinda scruffy. It's too early for this shit. Oh well, I've got to get started some time.

**Saturday 4****th**** November 9:29**

I think I did ok. Benjy just said I look 'nice' so I guess that's something. I should probably eat something. Toast is good. I'm so nervous, oh god. It's going to go terribly, I can feel it. Oh, there's James. He's coming over here. Ugh, wish me luck.

**Saturday 4****th**** November 19:45**

Well. I don't really know what to say. I guess I should tell you how the day went. Bear with me here, I'm no novelist.

"So, you ready for our date?" James said.

"Woah, wait. You're going on a date with James Potter?" Benjy said with surprise. (shh, I said I'm not a novelist)

"Yes, I am, I forgot to tell you. Sorry," I said. And then James and I left and we began our walk into Hogsmeade. I should point out that I (stupidly) listened to James and didn't bring a coat (though I did wear a cardigan, I'm not risking my health for a boy that much). I regretted that decision. It was flipping freezing. There was frost on the ground, it was ridiculous. Anyway.

"So, what's the plan?" I asked awkwardly whilst shivering violently as I probably acquired hypothermia.

"Well, like I said the other day, we'll go to the Broomsticks and we'll crash with Remus. He didn't mention having a date so I assume he's alone."

"Will he not be with Sirius and Peter?"

"Nah, Sirius has a 'date' (he did actual air quotes with his fingers) and I told Pete not to hang around Remus today. Not sure what excuse he used. So yeah, we'll sit with him and we'll chat for a while. Then I'll leave to 'go to the loo' and probably piss off to Zonkos or something so the two of you can have some alone time."

"But what if I can't talk to him?" I mumbled.

"You're talking to me fine." I gave him a look.

"No offence, but it's not really the same thing." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, just pretend he's not there and talk to me at the beginning. Afterall, it is our date." He did that weird wink nudge thing. It kinda hurt. He has pointy elbows. "You'll soon get into it and completely forget that you want him to bang you against a wall." I'm fairly certain my face went really red. And I have never ever said that I want that to happen. I may have thought about it, but still. Anyway, we didn't really talk about anything important for the rest of the walk. And then we arrived in Hogsmeade. My stomach was doing like 12 somersaults a second. It was a weird sensation. The Three Broomsticks was packed, as usual. It took us a while to find Remus, we nearly gave up at one point. But he was there, alone, and so we joined him. I nearly threw up from nerves.

"Hey, Remus. Mind if we join you?" James said cheerily. I wish I was cheery.

"Um, sure. If you want." He gave James a weird look. I'm assuming it meant 'dude what you doing, don't you want to spend time alone with your smoking hot date' or something to that affect. So we sat down, I was directly across from Remus. Actually, just I sat down. James disappeared to get drinks. So I was alone with Remus way sooner than I was expecting. This was not part of the plan. I was very panicked. We sat there in awkward silence for a while (well, it was awkward for me). After an eternity, James returned with butterbeers. I think I was going to need something stronger to get through today.

"So Anna, how are NEWTs going?" James asked, still cheery. Git. I turned to look at James, who was looking at me, and then I looked at Remus, who was also looking at me, and I looked back at James hoping he would see the fear in my eyes. He either didn't or he did and didn't care, because he continued to look at me expectantly.

"Fine," I managed to say, in a very awkward high pitched voice which was definitely not my own. I coughed, hoping no one had noticed.

"What subjects are you taking?" If you're going to try and get me to talk, James, you're going to have to come up with something better than school. But at least he was trying. I should probably try harder too. So I gave myself a little peptalk. Pretend Remus isn't there, just talk to James. You can talk to James. James is nice. It seemed to work.

"Um, transfig, charms, defence, potions and astronomy," I said, thankfully in my normal voice. But then of course, my little bubble was burst of just talking to James and Remus spoke.

"Oh, that's interesting. Not many people usually continue with astronomy at NEWT level," he said, smiling sexily. (Ok, so it was a normal smile, but that boy can make anything look sexy). I looked at James and he just looked at me encouragingly. Not very helpful really, but I tried.

"Um, yeah. There's about 5 of us." I think this is actually the most I've ever said to him at once. And I didn't even stutter. Hell yeah!

It all actually went ok from here. James and I talked, with the occasional input from Remus. I managed to keep my cool for most of it. But then it happened.

"I'm just gonna nip to the loo," James said. I gave him a look that I hope said 'nononono I'm not ready yet' but he ignored me and left anyway. So there I was, alone with Remus Lupin. He, of course, had no idea that James wasn't coming back. The silence was a little awkward. I was mostly staring at my lap, otherwise I would probably do something stupid like start drooling over him.

"So, Anna," I looked up. He was smiling, he has a beautiful smile. "Um, I didn't really know you knew James. But clearly he likes you." I couldn't help but smile. I was actually trying to stop myself from laughing, but I think Remus took it a little differently. Obviously, because he has no idea this was set up.

"Um, yeah. We have prefect duties together, so," I said awkwardly. My conversational skills appear to have improved, but there's still time to fuck up. It went a bit silent after that, though not quite as awkward. It had been about five minutes and then Remus started to look confusedly towards the boys' toilets.

"I wonder where he is," he sort of muttered to myself. I turned around to look too, just to make it look realistic. I'm going to have to look convincingly upset by James' absence for Remus to take pity on me.

"Maybe he didn't like me as much as you thought" I sort of whisper mumbled to myself. He gave me a look, I think it was pity?

"I'm sure he's not just left," he said. Oh Remus, but he has.

"It's ok, I guess. I mean, who was I kidding? James Potter and me?" I tried to laugh pathetically, like I was upset. Not sure about my acting skills. Remus seemed to buy it.

"No, it's not your fault. If James has just ditched you, then he's a huge wanker." He seemed kinda angry. It was kinda hot.

"I should just go then. No need to ruin your Hogsmeade trip, too" I said whilst getting up. I should consider movies as a possible career option. Seriously, considering I couldn't say so much as 'hi' to him before, I was pulling off an amazing performance.

"No, I'll walk back with you. I was never going to stay long anyway." He said getting up. God, he is such a gentleman.

"Are you sure?" I tried my best pathetic smile (it was pretty easy, I am a very pathetic person)

"Yeah, I've been to Hogsmeade enough times, really." So he walked me back up to the castle. It was quiet at first and I became painfully aware of the fact that I was walking with _Remus Lupin_. My heart started beating really fast and my stomach was doing the somersault thing again. He seemed to notice that I looked distressed.

"Are you okay?" What a sweet guy, I knew I liked him for a reason. I just about managed to nod at him.

"Do you want me to hit him for you?" he said smiling. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. We kind of just looked at each other for a little while and (I know this sounds cliché, don't judge) but our eyes were locked and it seemed to last forever but it was only a few seconds. Like, for real. I'm not even making that up to sound dramatic, it was actually like that. It was a weird experience.

"Just so you know, you didn't do anything wrong. Not that I noticed, anyway. James is a bit weird, so I don't know exactly why he would've done that. I'm sorry though." Stop being so nice, it's unfair to be that nice.

"…" I tried to say something, like seriously my mouth was open for like 30 seconds but no words came out so I closed it. I can only imagine how weird that looked. Also, he laughed at me. Well, he chuckled slightly, but still. I take back the nice thing.

"James is a moron," I said to myself, because the wind had just started up at that point and I was painfully reminded that I didn't wear a coat on his orders. Remus laughed again though, so I felt kinda good about making him laugh. He seemed to notice me shivering then though.

"Are you cold?" he asked worriedly. No, of course not. I'm perfectly warm, obviously. So then, like the true gentlemen he is (seriously, I thought this kind of behaviour stopped in like 1882, is this guy even real?) he gave me his coat. Completely pointless considering we were only about 5 minutes away from the castle, but whatever. I wasn't going to complain. I'm assuming this was the reason James asked me to not bring my coat. Should've seen that one coming, really. Blaringly obviously now that I think about it. His coat smelled really nice though. Is that weird? Well, anyway. We got to the castle and then he walked me to the common room, which was ridiculous and unnecessay but welcome nonetheless. I gave him back his coat and we parted with a "see you around" and a smile. And that's it. Wasn't particularly romantic. No unexpected goodnight (it was like 1 but whatever) kiss. No wild corridor sex. But it was the best I could've asked for really. I really must find a way the repay James. And, god, do I hope that something comes out of this. At least I've got better at talking to him. I would've written all of this sooner, but I kind of led on my bed in a daze for about 2 hours and then I was hungry. So here we are. Who knows what tomorrow brings. Hopefully a good snog, but probably not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sunday 5****th**** November 11:32**

Still in a bit of a daze over yesterday. Sad, I know, considering nothing even remotely romantic happened. But I am. Oh, and there was the thing that just happened too. Should probably tell you about that. So I was sitting in the library, minding my own business doing some charms homework when I noticed Remus and James walking over to my table. Now, I never expected yesterday to happen and suddenly we're all really good buds, so this was a bit of a surprise.

"Hey Anna," James had said, ever the cheery person he is and he sat down with me. Remus also sat (cue swoons). "So, about yesterday. Really sorry about that." He actually sounded sincere, evidently he has had more acting practice than me. Though he did wink at me when Remus wasn't looking.

"No problems James," I had said in return. I tried to sound a little upset. Not sure if that came through.

"Great, well, while I'm here, might as well join you for some school stuff or something. Will you join us, Moony?" Clearly James was not stopping at the 'date', not entirely sure why he's helping me so much. "So what are you working on, Anna?" He gave me a look. I think it meant 'play along', though I wasn't entirely sure what I was supposed to be playing along with.

"Um, charms." Charms really screams 'take me on the desk', doesn't it? James kicked me under the desk after I said this, which was rude but I think I got what he wanted me to do. "But I'm really struggling, do you think you could help?"

"Oh crap, you know, I would help but I just remembered that I'm supposed to be meeting Lily for Head stuff. Remus, you're good at charms, you can give Anna a hand? I'll see you later." And then James left. So for the second day in a row, I was alone with Remus Lupin. You'd think I would get better at handling it, but you would be wrong.

I'd tell you all of the thrilling conversation that followed, but it wasn't very thrilling. Remus told me some stuff about charms, I had very little input. It was actually quite useful, to be honest, and I think my essay turned out significantly better than it would've done without him. See, this is why I need him around permanently. For the sake of my education. No ulterior motives. So, now I'm still in the library. And Remus is still here. And, I know, you're all thinking 'what on earth are you doing writing in here and not wooing him?' An excellent question. Well, he's doing his ancient runes homework, and he looks cute when he's concentrating so I don't want to disturb him. You know, I've never been close enough to him for long enough to notice his eyes before (I know, this is ridiculously cliché and it pains me that I'm about the write this down) but his eyes are _gorgeous_. I mean, they kind of look tired at the moment, but they're still so pretty. I could stare at them forever, but he'd probably notice and get creeped out. Oh crap, he looked up at me when I was staring. I hope he's far enough away that he can't read what I'm writing.

He asked me what I was writing. I told him it was a secret. A terrible move, because now of course he's even more curious than he was before. He doesn't seem to be trying to sneak a peek though. How thoughtful of him.

Oh god, he asked me to come to lunch with him. Wish me luck.

**Sunday 5****th**** November 13:14**

So that was actually kind of fun. It started off just the two of us walking down to the Great Hall mostly in silence. But clearly silence is not something Remus is used to, so he tried to start conversation.

"So…" (I never said he was a good conversationalist) (But he's still better than me)

"So…" Imitation is obviously the best tactic here. It made him chuckle, so yeah.

"I'm sorry about James." He said.

"What for?"

"He keeps leading you on, and I'm not sure what he's trying to achieve in doing so," he explained.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm fine," I said awkwardly. I feel kind of bad that we keep deceiving him like this. It went silent for a while again and then we arrived at the Great Hall. And I got to sit at the Gryffindor table, which was a weird experience. It's a lot louder, not sure why. I think it was mostly Sirius. I sat quietly and observed for most of it, trying to gather some more information about Remus. And also trying not to eat as embarrassingly as I usually do.

But then it happened.

"Um, Anna?" Remus said, sounding kind of awkward but also kind of adorable. And so I looked up from my sandwich. "There's the quidditch on Wednesday and, well, neither of our teams are playing so I wondered if you wanted to sit and watch together?" I couldn't believe it! I, Anna Carmen, have a date Remus Lupin. A real date. I was expecting to have to do a bit more work. You know, the kind of thing that happens in romance novels. We'd slowly become friends and at some point realise our undying love for each other and share a passionate kiss under the light of the full moon. But alas, this is the real world. And in the real world teenagers just ask each other out on dates. Simple, but effective.

So now I'm sat in my favourite armchair in the common room, panicking because _holy shit I have a date with Remus Lupin_! Just last week, the idea of that happening was a simple fantasy and now it is real and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I don't even like quidditch. I wouldn't normally have gone to a game if Hufflepuff weren't playing. And even then I only go because Benjy is on the team. I'm going to need some advice.

**Sunday 5****th**** November 13:45**

Benjy's advice was terrible. "Shove your tongue down his throat." Unlikely.

**Monday 6****th**** November 10:27**

Remus waved at me at breakfast. Not sure what this means.

**Monday 6****th**** November 14:39**

Remus is sat next to me in charms. Kathryn Fairly is not impressed by him stealing her seat. Can't write much in case he sees. Not sure what this means.

**Monday 6****th**** November 17:56**

Remus joined Benjy and I for dinner. It was nice. I managed to carry a reasonably normal conversation with him. We had a laugh. He's still unfairly handsome. And a really great person. Yet he seems to like being around me. Not sure what this means.

**Tuesday 7****th**** November 08:26**

At breakfast. Received a note that read "you look nice today – R". Not sure what this means.

**Tuesday 7****th**** November 18:49**

I've decided to plan ahead. I'm going to figure out what I want to wear on my date tomorrow now. I need something cute yet practical. I am going to be stood outside in about 5 degrees for a good hour or so. I guess I could wear a skirt if I wore my woollen tights underneath. That could look cute. And I have a few nice jumpers. Why are dates so stressful? I mean, once you're on them you kind of get into it. I imagine. Never been on a real date before. (I don't count Saturday as a real date because I feel both participants need to be aware that it's a date for it to be a date). Oh god, I'm probably going to do something stupid. Ugh.


End file.
